Random Stuff

Bob just isn’t the man he used to be

Published October 10, 2010

We want to make one thing perfectly clear: Smiling Bob is the creepiest pitch man for any product on tv or anywhere else, ever. The commercial at the holidays with all the ladies who want to sit on Santa Bob’s lap? It almost put us off television permanently. Yet another reason to hate Christmas.

Is there a real woman, anywhere in the world who actually finds Bob sexy? Who is supposed to swoon at his idiotic grin – the gals on the golf course who admire the long drive of his wood, or the men who coveted the straight shaft of his 9 iron? And, if Bob was such a big guy, how was he supposed to get around such an impediment to a perfect stroke?

So, what about Bob?

Our friend and Honorary Fail Bird Handler, @jackassletters, alerted us to @SmilingBobSays the other day. Just like a bunch of people who heard that twitter is the place to arouse customer interest, grow your base, and lengthen your reach, Enzyte put Bob to the task of erecting a social media presence. We’re not sure what kind of training they gave him, but for a stellar performance, you need to at least bone up on the basics. Apparently, Bob couldn’t deal with the stiff demands of the job, because he ended up looking like a tool.

Smiling Bob’s account hasn’t been updated since November 10, 2009. We guessing he got completely overwhelmed by the responsibility and can no longer keep it up.

–
By the way, read @jackassletters letter to Enzyte here. It’s way funnier than this post.

And, we gotta say, his hands are gigantic. Don’t know how he can even type with those things.

Posted in Pointless, Random Stuff | Tagged commercials, creepy people, enzyte, posts that no one will laugh at but me, Smiling Bob

How to drive someone crazy in only 3 clicks

Published September 20, 2010

1. Post an interesting link: “3 Twitter Tools to Boost your Small Business Marketing”

Click #1

2. Make sure it links to TweetMeme (or Digg, or StumbleUpon, or Facebook, or anywhere else), and NOT the actual story. A cool thing they do on TweetMeme, btw? The short url in your post is NOT a live link. People love that. Why bother? They can click the title.

Click #2

3. The link on TweetMeme should take them another page that reviews the story you referenced, NOT the actual story. This page should give people the impression that “3 Twitter Tools to Boost your Small Business Marketing” is coming up next.

Click #3

4. The story this series of clicks ends up on should NOT be the exact story referenced in items #1, #2, or #3. As in this case: “3 Twitter Tools for Small Business Ecommerce Sites.” So you can act all surprised and say, “What? You don’t have an e-commerce site? You’re just looking for ’3 Twitter Tools to Boost your Small Business Marketing’?” Ha! Fooled you!” What a laugh!

This happens all the time on twitter. People post a link to their Digg page, or TweetMeme, or their blog, none of which have the actual story and it is driving us all batty. Please for the love of all that’s holy STOP DOING THAT!!

When you post to twitter from another social media tool, we get stuck going to that page before we can move on. And in the name of whatever random diety you swear by, please don’t link to a review of the story, or an introduction of the story, or anything but the damn story!!

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the pissed off twitter users of the world.

Thank you, and good night.

Posted in Random Stuff, Rant | Tagged digg, fed up and not taking it anymore, lots of sort-of swearing, tweetmeme

There’s only one good thing about a fever

Published August 1, 2010

When a bad thing happens, you can be a winner and deal with it head-on, or be a loser and let it control your life. You always have a choice.

That’s why we are choosing to do something about the Bieber Fever plague. Symptoms of this dread disease include heart palpitations, frequent screaming, and delusions. Once a victim has been infected with the Bieber parasite, it’s too late to reason with them. The illness takes away all rational thought, and their sole purpose for living is reduced to keeping the Bieber alive. Ignoring this terrible disease that has swept the nation will not make it go away, and it appears that no girl under the age of 18 is immune.

No matter where you look, little girls are screaming about Justin Bieber. And, the more girls scream, the more other girls will scream to prove that they, too, love Justin Bieber even more than any sane person can imagine.

The disease usually follows a predictable progression:

Crying for attention

Banding together with others who are infected

Obsessing over imaginary “facts”

Threats of violence

Panic attacks

This disease is quickly reaching epidemic status. It may be too late to save the young girls you love. If they haven’t already caught the Bieber Fever, it’s only a matter of time.

The only good thing about a fever? Eventually, they run their course. Unfortunately, some girls will not build up an immunity, and will be more susceptible to the next teen epidemic. God help us all.

Posted in Random Stuff | Tagged bieber fever, epidemic, justin bieber

7 Genuinely Funny Real People on Twitter

Published July 9, 2010

When Rackspace got hacked a couple of weeks ago, bad things happened to this blog. Draft posts vanished. Widgets disappeared. We got totally fed up. So, we moved to a new server and are rising from the wreckage and rebuilding.

We’re running a bit low on snark, so, instead of ranting endlessly about out of date server software, bad customer service, inadequate communication, general finger pointing during a crisis, and all that jazz, we give you seven people we follow who are genuinely funny.

@tremendousnews – For Dee, low self-esteem is an art form – tremendousnews.com