twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
The absolute best twitter list, ever
Earlier today, when we were screwing around doing research on twitter, we decided to login to “NEW IMPROVED TOTALLY KICK-ASS” twitter so we could make fun of it post a review about its supposed awesomeness.
And, because it works just as perfectly as old decrepit antiquated twitter, it sent us to this page:
We don’t remember exactly what “sessions” used to do, but we’re pretty sure it was a twitter command or something. But that’s neither here nor there. Or the other place. Try this link: http://twitter.com/sessions – bet you don’t get the same result we did.
Ha! See? Told you! It doesn’t exist.
Wooo.
This got us to thinking. What other anomalies could we find? Turns out, tons of them, but you already knew that. But, while we were researching, we found @yudai214, and although we’re a world apart, and don’t speak the same language, we really want her to be our new best friend, because we’re her biggest fan.
It’s about lists. We have lists. We have our buds list, our list of funny people, and of course, our two biggest lists, #notfollowing and #also-notfollowing (Oprah’s on both, BTW).
Our lists make us look like rank amateurs in comparison to @yudai214, who has the most awesome list of all.
(Click the image for a larger view)
Check it out: @yudai214/reserved-word. While we were compiling a list of real and imaginary people on twitter, @yudai214 took it to a new level and created a list of links to places and things on twitter.
No, there’s nothing sinister there. No evil code waiting to harm your computer. Just a list that does something entirely different than the rest of us.
@yudai214 we bow before your greatness. We are not worthy.
7 Genuinely Funny Real People on Twitter
When Rackspace got hacked a couple of weeks ago, bad things happened to this blog. Draft posts vanished. Widgets disappeared. We got totally fed up. So, we moved to a new server and are rising from the wreckage and rebuilding.
We’re running a bit low on snark, so, instead of ranting endlessly about out of date server software, bad customer service, inadequate communication, general finger pointing during a crisis, and all that jazz, we give you seven people we follow who are genuinely funny.
@tremendousnews – For Dee, low self-esteem is an art form – tremendousnews.com
@thebloggess – Weird, neurotic, and wonderful – thebloggess.com
@sherigilmour – A woman with a serious attitude problem sherigilmour.com
@JuliaChildCIA – She doesn’t have a blog, but her most faved tweets list is a must read – favstar.fm
@HungryLikeKevin – Clever, with a heapin helping of snark sogoddamn.tumblr.com
And, a shout out to two Honorary Fail Bird Handlers, who are funny enough to write guest posts on this blog:
@stinginthetail – The Queen of Darkness, possibly the AntiChrist stinginthetail.wordpress.com
Guest post: Guy Kawasaki Did Not Invent That Motorbike
@jackassletters – One of the funniest people we know. Jackassletters.com
One of his guest posts: The Secret to Fewer Followers
You won’t find them in our FF list, because we don’t do that.
What funny people do you follow? We’d love to add them to our funny list.
10 Twitterisms We Wish Everyone Would Stop Using
First there was Twitter, and tweets, followed by tweetups (twitter meetups), twestivals (twitter festivals), and tweeps (twitter friends/people/peeps). And then, LOLcat aficionados and baby-talkers started mashing twitter with a bunch of different words because it was just so darned cute, and the English language on twitter went completely to hell.
The top-ten most abominable:
1. Tweveryone. Fails the first rule of twitter mash-ups: a little of this (twitter) and a little of that (other word), to create one word that is shorter than the two. Instead it just adds a “tw” prefix as if that makes it more “twittery.”
2. Twead. Tweading, Twriting, Tarithmetic.
3. Tweetcha. There’s no consensus on the meaning of this one. “Tweet you” in the North
… becomes Tweetcha’ll in the South…
…and then turns into “Meet you” everywhere else.
4. Twouble. If you’re trading an “r” for a “w,” you’ve either got a new tongue piercing, or are talking around a mouth full of marbles. Okay, that’s probably the same thing.
5. Twonderful. You owe James Stewart an apology.
6. Sweeple. Sweaty? Swashbuckling? Swarovski?
7. Tweepish. Sheep, and the people who love them.
8. Twursday. No. Just no.
9. Twenius. If either Albert Einstein or Leonardo da Vinci were on Twitter, they could use this title. Anyone else? No one can teach you to be a genius. You’re either born a genius, or you’re everyone else. If we don’t stop this type of language abuse, the next thing you know, people will be calling celebrities “heroes” because they donated a couple of mosquito nets to charity. Stop it now.
10. Tweetard. You’re probably right. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
Did we miss any? Please post your favorite/most hated twitterisms in the comments.
(P.S.: Yes, we think “twitterisms” is stupid, too.)
UPDATE 05/14/10:
Thanks to the comment by @averygoodyear we believe we have now seen the worst twitterism ever created:
Become a Social Media Guru in 5 Easy Steps
You know what’s awesome about social media? Anyone with a computer can use it to talk to just about anyone else in the world. You know what sucks about social media? Anyone with a computer can use it to try to talk to you, whether you want to talk to them or not. On the one hand, you can communicate with family and friends without having to talk to them face-to-face ever again, and on the other, you have tons of spammers and bots (often the same thing) pretending to be your friend just so they can grab your attention and suck money out of you. Kind of like that bitch ex-girlfriend (Hi Marcia!) who dumped you on Valentine’s day, right after the dinner and drinks.
Fortunately, there are a bunch of experts to help you navigate the confusing world of connections and recommendations, hashtags and retweets. With very little effort, you can join their ranks, and take advantage of unfairly influence help yourself to loads of cash from help clueless n00bs who are trying to figure it all out.
- Create a twitter profile. Make sure to use at least one of the following terms in your bio:
- Social media expert
- Social media guru
- Social media strategist
- Social media maverick
- Social media rockstar
- Social media wizard
- Really, just about anything, as long as it starts with “Social Media”
- Upload a photo of you looking all guru-y.
- Set up a bot to follow a bunch of people, unfollow the ones who aren’t following you, and then follow a bunch more. Rinse, repeat.
- Set up a bot to follow rss feeds about social media, and tweet the links to your timeline so you never have to actually do anything social, like interact with other people.
- Make fun of all the people who just don’t get social media.
Wait. That may be just us.
Okay, there you have it, 5 4 easy steps to social media stardom.
Disclaimer: The people mentioned here may or may not be social media gurus. They may or may not have used any of the techniques mentioned. What do we know? We thought gurus all lived on mountaintops and knew the answers to life, the universe and everything (and that it really isn’t really 42), so we’re not exactly sure what a social media guru really is.
If you’re a social media guru, tell us what that means in the comments.
Or, make fun of our cluelessness on twitter: @tweet_fail
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