twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
Slow on the uptake
Remember how embarrassing it was in the 80′s when you mispronounced Sade or INXS? Or the time when you were a kid and someone told you Ricky really liked you, so you went over to talk to him only to find out he really hated your guts? (Still not funny, Marcia.) Or maybe you were just the last person to forward a really funny joke only to find that absolutely everyone had heard it before you? Like, nearly a year ago?
Okay, maybe the first two only happened to us, but the third one? @MotherLondon is looking the fool for, not passing along a joke, but not getting the joke to begin with.
The link goes to the Android app: Google Translate for Animals – one of Google’s April Fools jokes from 2010. In case you didn’t see it last year, or forgot how funny it is, take the tour and watch the videos. Google Gold.
Technology April Fool’s jokes are nothing new. Here’s one of our favorites:
Drunk Driving on the Internet
In 1994, an article in PC Computing magazine said it was going to be illegal to use the internet while drunk. The phone line of anyone who “uses or abuses alcohol” while accessing the internet was going to be tapped by FBI. The contact person was Lirpa Sloof (April Fools backwards). The Congress got so many phone calls that Senator Edward Kennedy’s office had to deny officially that he wasn’t the sponsor of the bill.
April Fools Day is less than 30 days away. Mark it on your calendar, and stay on your toes. You don’t want to look like @MotherLondon.
Give ‘er a spin
We get pitches from people all the time to review their products on our blog, or add their affiliate link. What’s consistently obvious in all of them is that the person doing the pitch has never actually read our blog.
Still, they keep pouring in. We used to just delete them unanswered. But, where’s the fun in that? We decided it was high time we repaid the courtesy. If they take the time to scrape our email address and send a form letter, we ought to take a moment to reply.
Jeremy Kates, from Web2Carz.com, wrote:
Hi Blog Owner,
I was looking over your blog, and I think you would greatly benefit from our FREE used car search sidebar widget for Wordpress. The search results are embedded inline on your sidebar (AJAX) without sending the user away. In addition, you can become an affiliate and earn extra money for any auto loan referrals.
Obviously they’ve read all the comments on our blog where people are saying, “Hey, I like your blog, but where are the used car ads? Every blog is better with used car ads! Bring them on!”
His email goes on about how they pay a whopping $4 per lead, which is awesome, since cars cost thousands of dollars, so naturally, $4 is a huge commission. He even says, If nothing else, it offers another way to siphon some revenue from visitors on their way out. That’s the ticket. “As long as you’re leaving anyway, wanna buy a car?” Here’s Jeremy’s email
Here’s our reply.
Hi Jeremy,
Thank you so much for your email! Most of the people who read my blog are alcoholics who have had their licenses suspended because they’ve had too many DUI’s. Have you thought about creating a plugin for calling cab companies? Most of the bars around here have wifi, so that would be really handy. And, if you include an option to click for bus routes, I think that would just about cover all their needs.
Thanks again for thinking of me!
Fail Bird Handler
Twitter-Fail.com
Stop. You’re embarassing yourself
We believe the main reason celebrities don’t follow real people, or read the @replies to them, is because they really don’t care what the “little” people have to say. Another reason has to be because they get too much of this:
Why would anyone turn down an offer of friendship like this?
It’s important to know right from the start what a new friend wants out of the relationship. Since our net worth is about .000000001% of @Oprah’s, we’ve never encountered such a ballsy grab at our pocketbook. Just in case this works, we’re going to stand in line behind @MizzBubiDee, so we can ask her for half.
And then there are all the people who want advice. Like celebs have all kinds of time on their hands and are waiting around for people to ask for advice so they can dole it out like candy.
@VisionaryChick has taken harassing celebs for advice to a new level. After being turned down by @hughhefner,
she went on a campaign to get advice from an even bigger target.
Not that we’re saying she went overboard, but she tweeted @SnoopDogg 52 times in one day. Poor thing probably doesn’t have any real friends, or an agent, or anyone she can trust. Much better to hit up total strangers to help her with what is obviously a life-altering decision.
No surprise, @SnoopDogg’s calendar was full. Undeterred, she’s moved on to her next target:
We wonder whether the “Major BB Star” is going to get wind of this. If so, how would he feel about having this person flapping her gums about the “close to working with” relationship? If we had someone who might work with us, who had to publicly hound total strangers for advice on the internet, we’d probably re-think that contract.
In case you think we inadvertently said something in defense of celebrities, we apologize for your confusion. It will never happen again.
Thanks, twitter, you’re a real jerk
WTH, twitter?
Are you trolling our #notfollowing list, just to mess with us?
Everyone knows we don’t follow celebrities. Not even @Oprah. Especially @Oprah. Not that we care, but @wilw is blocking us. Was the first celebrity to do so, as far as we know. You probably know that, right?
You’re being all, “Hey loser, follow @wilw, he’s just this guy, you know?” Well, he’s just this guy who blocked us. And we never even said a word to or about him, as far as we recall. But then, we’ve #notfollowed nearly 1000 celebrities so far, so we’ve kind of lost track. But he didn’t. Not that we blame him. Celebrities are a pretty sensitive lot.
Okay, we’ll play your little game. We’ll click the “view all” and see who you think we may want to follow. Ha! You got us!
Really funny. We’ll just refresh.
How long can you keep this up, twitter? Refreshing again.
Touché.
You’ve won this round, twitter. But, seriously? This feature totally blows. We can find our own friends.
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