twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
Say It Sister
Hi, how are you this morning?
I’m fine. How are you? Hi, how are you this morning?
I’m fine. Did you have a nice time last night? I’m fine. How are you? Hi, how are you this morning?
Yeah, it was great. I’m fine. Did you have a nice time last night? I’m fine. How are you? Hi, how are you this morning?
We don’t talk like this in real life, so why do twirps do it on twitter? Because they are clueless? Yes, that’s one reason. Another might be that their followers are too stupid to follow the conversation unless they repeat the question. Kind of insulting, dontcha think?
We’re big fans of @LuvvieIG now that she inadvertently brought this fail to our attention:
“Twitter: Where the mundane has mattered since 2006. ” Awesome! Thank you, @LuvvieIG, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
The Sound of Silence
Twitter is awesome for getting the word out quickly. When anything happens anywhere in the world, someone is tweeting about it in real time. Often, this is many someones, and discussion, analysis, updates and followup of the event ripples rapidly through the twitterverse.
The old adage was “telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.” In increasing numbers, twitter is replacing the telephone, no one under 20 even knows what a telegraph machine is, and we’re all connected in some way to virtually every man, woman, child, adult… the rest of the world, with a tap on the keyboard in front of every one of us. In the George Orwell book, 1984, Big Brother was watching everyone and everything. That time is now – Big Brother is us. (When this becomes a meme, remember where you heard it first.)
Imagine what happens, when for even a moment, people are unable to tweet what they’re thinking, doing, seeing, or procrastinating against the second the urge hits them. They can’t reveal what they had for breakfast, how much they hate their boss, or what they think of the latest political propaganda.
The twitterverse falls apart.
Okay Lucy, we’re going to do some ‘splainin now: a 503 error typically happens for one of two reasons:
1. Twitter is down for maintenance. That’s probably not the issue here, because they have a habit of telling everyone when that’s going to happen, so they can avoid a bunch of messages like the ones above.
2. Twitter is overloaded.
In all likelihood, the problem is that twitter is overloaded. If so, posting all those messages saying twitter is overloaded just overloads twitter. Every time you post that message, you are part of the problem!
Here’s the thing. There’s about 100 people who work for twitter. They use twitter every day. They are on twitter all the time. If you are having a problem with twitter, chances are they are, too. Telling them the servers are overloaded is pretty much a waste of time and makes you look like an even bigger idiot.
This kind of thing used to happen all the time when we worked in radio. Radio stations have all kinds of equipment to monitor their transmissions, the simplest of which is the air monitor: speakers that are playing whatever goes “over the air;” the same thing you hear on your radio. When the station goes down, nothing comes out of those speakers. The second there is a problem with the transmitter, and the signal drops, the phones start ringing. Everyone and their dog (okay, maybe not their dog) wants to report this important bit of information to the people who are making the broadcast and are the first to know when it’s not working. So, while the over-worked and seriously underpaid announcer is trying to get the engineer on the phone, checking settings, flipping switches, and pushing buttons to get things back up, he’s fielding the calls of all those “helpful” people.
So, stop being one of those helpful people. You’re getting in the way of twitter fixing the problem. The next time you see a 503 Server Error, sit back, take a deep breath, and send an e-card to someone, write an email, or call your mom. In fact, do that right now so we can tweet our fantasy football picks before the server goes down again.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
Train Wreck
Remember when you were a kid and you would rub your eyes really hard and you would see stars, and it was almost like your own private fireworks show, except there was no Grand Finale? Mom told us that was bad for our eyes and would make us go blind. She said that about sitting too close to the television, too, and something else that our brothers wouldn’t talk about in front of us.
We’re going to show you something so horrifying, so life-altering, so disturbing that once look you wish you could unsee it, but by then it will be too late. Like an accident at the side of the road, you’ll be both attracted and repulsed, and it will be hard to look away. After even the briefest exposure, the image will be burned into your brain forever. You’ll wish that, for just a moment, you were not cursed with the sense of sight.
Look away now.
We mean it.
Save yourself and go back to twitter.
That image is this:
We warned you.
Yes, it’s Danny DeVito. The real deal. And that’s his avatar.
We just hope he’s wearing pants.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
Hit Me
Hey Tony, thanks for coming by. You always were my favorite, you know that? But, whatsamattayou? I hear you’re goin’ around invitin’ all kinds of people into the family like it’s some kinda game. We have tradition, we have honor, and you go screwing with hundreds of years of history just because you found some new computer thingy? It’s gotta stop.
All these people, you know what they’re doin’? They’re whacking people we don’t know nothin’ about, raidin’ the other families, and breakin’ into the Museum. For Chrissakes, Tony, the Museum? We send out the cleanup team to fix this mess, and they start talking. And talking. This is the mob, Tony. Nobody talks and lives. This is outta control Tony, and who do we have to blame for alla this? You, Tony.
Stop cryin’, Tony. Take it like a man. My hands are tied, ya know. Well, okay, it’s your hands now, but still. I love you like a son, Tony. You’re killin’ me, you know that?
For all of you playing the #140mafia game, good for you. We don’t play games. Mostly because we always lose, but that’s beside the point. We can fail whatever we want. You don’t have to agree. In fact, if you disagree and post a hater comment, it gives us free content. So, knock yourself out.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
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