twitter fail blog

Seriously, Dude, you’re the one giving twitter such a bad reputation. Here we are, working our tail feathers off trying to get people to love twitter and use it well. Every day, people who have never been on twitter come to us and say, “I really don’t care what somebody else had for lunch.” Just when we have them nearly convinced that awesome things happen on twitter, you go and screw it up. People see your stream and say, “I told you so.”

You have ruined twitter for all these almost-newbies, because they’ll never sign on. That means they will never laugh at @shitmydadsays, or marvel at the number of fake @Britney accounts.  They will have to do actual research for their next project, instead of polling their followers, and will be stuck using their mobile phones for plain, old-fashioned texting.

These poor folks will be doing something altogether different when twitter goes down again. They will have conversations that are longer than 140 characters, and will never learn to be pithy and succinct.  This is all your fault.

Do us a favor, please? Throw in an inspirational quote every now and then. Tell us what cute thing the cat just did. Link to a twitpic of your shoes. Complain about your mom, or boss, or spouse. Tell us how bored you are. Embrace twitter in all its awesomeness and banality, and maybe you can redeem yourself.

One more thing: nobody really eats fruitcake. Now we know you’re just playing us. Cut it out.