twitter fail blog

There have been many talent shows over the years where the good, the bad, and ridiculously awful vie for notoriety and a few minutes of our attention. It started with Vaudeville and Carnival Side Shows, and graduated to The Original Amateur Hour, Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts, Real People, Star Search, and now American Idol, America’s Got Talent (kind of a misnomer, if you ask us, but we digress), etc., etc., et cetera.

Our favorite of them all was The Gong Show. Occasionally, someone truly talented was booked, and the power of their performance stood out above the jugglers, dog handlers, contortionists, and regulars like The Unknown Comic and Gene Gene The Dancing Machine.  Mostly, though, it was filled with the chaotic nonsense of talent-deficient performers, evidently fueled by alcohol, a fierce competitive nature, and the mean-spirited encouragement of so-called friends to try out for a chance at fame. We loved the gong. We cheered on Jaye P. Morgan as she often had to fight her way to the gong so she could voice her opinion on the lack of talent on stage.

Unfortunately, there’s no gong on twitter. Because is there was, we’d be beating that thing every time @insultgen posts an update.

A proper insult requires wit and creativity. Done right, it can lead to retweeted and quotable immortality. Just using rude words like @insultgen does isn’t enough.

We make fun of lots of people on this blog. And it’s not always easy. Sometimes, we see a tweep whose posts are ripe for ridicule, but the words just aren’t there. We write, delete, and write some more. And, usually when we’re done, it’s because we are so done with the whole process and hope someone, anyone at all, will find a speck of humor in it.  And, to all of you who hate us (Hi Marcia), we know they aren’t all gems.

Insulting has become such a lost art form that we’ve decided to give you a few tips, so that your insults will hold the right amount of venom. And, if published on twitter, perhaps a RT or two.

1. Know your target. If there is something they are particularly sensitive about, that’s where the insult will hit home.

2. Don’t use the obvious. If they are fat, they probably know it, so saying “You are fat” won’t have the same impact as “Dude, step aside, you’re blocking the TV… and half of Detroit.”

3. Don’t use swear words – they’re so over-used that people don’t really notice them. Instead, use words that will mean something.  If you encounter Mr. Fullofhimself who won’t shut up, you could say “he’s f*cking full of himself,” but we suggest that instead you put him in his place: “Do you speak any language that non-gibbering idiots can understand?”

4. Of course, if you’re really in a pinch, you can fall back on a Yo Mama / His Mama joke, since those usually get a laugh. But skip the “Yo Mama is so fat…” jokes and go right to the punch, like when David Lloyd said to a particularly horrid writer, ”Your parents owe the world a retraction.” Now that’s funny.

@insultgen says their website (and tweets) is a puerile attempt at humour. There is nothing intelligent about it. (We agree!) It is the lowest denominator of wit. It is the mouldy, decaying scrapings at the bottom of the comedy barrel. However, that isn’t to say the tripe this generator pumps out isn’t amusing. Far from it.

We disagree. @insultgen: those insults are so lame, their crutches need training wheels.

Okay that was bad.

How about: How do you know when @insultgen is going to say something good? When he starts his sentence with: “The Fail Bird said…”

Think you can do better? Give it your best shot in the Comments.

Send in the Fail Bird! Tell them you saw them on Twitter Fail